Bamidbar D'var Torah
By Joseph Gindi
וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָֹה אֶל משֶׁה בְּמִדְבַּר סִינַי בְּאֹהֶל מוֹעֵד
And God spoke to Moshe in the wilderness of Sinai in the tent of meeting...
The midrash in Bamidbar Rabba asks of the first verse in our parasha, parashat Bamidbar: למה במדבר סיני, why in the wilderness of Sinai? Why is G!d revealed and the Torah given in this desolate, uncivilized, dangerous, unclaimed place?
The midrash looks at other places that Sinai is mentioned and concludes that Torah was given in three ways. בָּאֵשׁ וּבַמַּיִם וּבַמִּדְבָּר, in fire, in water, and in wilderness. Why fire and water and wilderness? Because, the midrash explains, אֶלוּ חִנָם לְכָל בָּאֵי הָעוֹלָם, these things are free to all humankind, that is not the possession of one person or one group. In the view of this midrash fire, water, and wilderness are, like the air we breath, simply available to all.
And yet, try to contain fire, try to grasp water, try to encompass the wilderness. These things cannot easily be caught, contained, or apprehended by anyone. It can be hard to access or feel ownership over the Torah. Though potentially free to all, the Torah is also wild and un-contained, a burning, flowing vastness.
Following our midrash I want to suggest that even though this wild Torah cannot be contained, cannot be the unique possession of anyone, we can still find ways to access it by shifting our perspective. At one level the wilderness is teeming with movement and life. And yet, looking out at the desert from a mountaintop, the vista below appears tranquil and still.
Our midrash continues, not only is Torah given through wilderness, but to receive Torah we have to make ourselves like the wilderness.
אלא כל מי שאינו עושה עצמו כמדבר הפקר אינו יכול לקנות את החכמה והתורה
Anyone who does not make oneself like an unclaimed wilderness cannot acquire wisdom and Torah.
k'midbar hefker, like an unclaimed wilderness. Hefker is a technical term for ownerless property. This is the wilderness as outside of anyone's jurisdiction. So what does it mean to make oneself k'midbar hefker, like an open wilderness?
I think at some level we can simply change how we look at ourselves and the Torah we want to possess.
In the same way as the wilderness, which from one perspective might look like a tranquil landscape, our own self might appear to be a single unit. And yet, the conscious self emerges out of the behavior of billions of independent neurons. And even that self is not unitary but a swarm of internal and external stimuli and voices. Thoughts, feelings, moods, motivations, and impulses. The body too is a complex system of independent cells that come together into organs, and organs that work together to animate and sustain a living body. When we are sick we become more aware of the flourishing ecosystem of bacteria that we not only play host to, but that are actually a part of us. So my body, my brain, and even my own sense of self is, at some level, k'midbar hefker, like an open wilderness.
If we can see ourselves, and the entire universe, as a midbar, host to flora, fauna, and marauding bands of Israelites, then maybe we can know wisdom and truth.
Now we can try to put the two parts of this midrash together. Why was Torah given in the desert? Because Torah is unruly, it crackles and burns up like fire, it surges forth and rains down like water, it is simply the stillness of being, like the wilderness. And to receive Torah? We need to be like the Torah and recognize both the stillness and the unruly swarms within us, around us, and through us.
What might it mean in our own lives to see ourselves, our own bodies, and the universe we live in as a unity and as an open wilderness?
וַיְדַבֵּר יְהוָֹה אֶל משֶׁה בְּמִדְבַּר סִינַי בְּאֹהֶל מוֹעֵד
And God spoke to Moshe in the wilderness of Sinai in the tent of meeting...
What kind of Torah might we hear if we can sit in the tent of meeting and recognize the wilderness we live in, and the wilderness that lives in us?
